What Would Uwe Boll Do?

Post by **kisho** » 14 Sep 2006

Honestly though, you're giving Anderson and Boll way too much credit man. Those are unfortunately plot ideas that could actually be made into decent faring movies. Boll and Anderson could never make up anything as legible as those.

I mean, don't forget, Anderson's best movie ever: "OK, some people are in space, and they're going off to find this spaceship that was lost. Then they find it, and find out it's a spaceship OF DOOOM. Then they all die."

Post by **Bobthevila** » 17 Sep 2006

The director unfortionatly is not the maker of the film(unless he wrote it or either had someone else write it for him, but if he merely buys a script he ain't nuthin), the writer is, the director is only giving cues from on the script. So I don't give credit to Anderson when talking of mortal kombat 1 as it's the only acurate VG movie and basic to VG events there ever is and ever will be, so I give that to the writer which by credits on yahoo show its not Anderson(also the MK writer didn't write either RE movie or AVP). If Uwi made this film it been exatly the same or it be closer to the game version with whats now visualy in the supposed "silent hill" movie would now be crappy lines and cliche's and TONS of EVENT CAMEOS rather them as story elements like they ARE in the game.

Post by **Mac** » 17 Sep 2006

kisho wrote:I mean, don't forget, Anderson's best movie ever: "OK, some people are in space, and they're going off to find this spaceship that was lost. Then they find it, and find out it's a spaceship OF DOOOM. Then they all die."

HAHAHA I don't think that could have been put any better.

I'm sure if Uwe Boll wrote and directed Silent Hill, fans of the games wouldn't want to talk about it.

Post by **Silent Hill, so peaceful** » 23 Mar 2007

Heathers_Guy14 wrote:Well for one thing he would have the nurses wearing bikinis. Instead of Rose's jacket being the only thing pulled off her, it would be her top as well. That's all I have.

Definately! That is perfect Uwe Boll. Why does every woman in his movie go topless at one or another time?

Thanks Konami for NOT giving the job to Uwe Boll!

Post by **Justicar333** » 09 May 2007

While it's true Uwe likes to use nudity, I don't really see a problem with that in a movie.

Well, depends on who is nekkid really. He would have probably had crispy fried Alessia in a string bikini. *shivers*

He would have completly thrashed the entire film. The monstes would have been people in suits that took about 20 mintues to go from planning to finished desighn, constructed by a fifth grade art class. Then he would have made up the script from scratch, using only the instruction booklets and an imdb review for reasearch material. Feeling that the musical tracks of the games were too edgy, good ol Boll would have gotten together some garage band tapes. Randomly applying songs to scenes with the clever use of a blindfold and dartboard.

The list goes on, the man has an amazing talent to take excellent storys and utterly destroy them. And after the public outrage of Silent Hill fans across the globe, he would challenge five of us to a boxing match. That would be his last mistake.

Sure, Uwe Boll is an excellent boxer. But SH fans know not to leave the house without their pistols and trusty steel pipes, just in case.

Mr. Boll wouldn't last thirty seconds.

Post by **ravern** » 15 May 2007

28/m/nazareth wrote:Tara Reid would replace Radha as Rose.

don't think she would

he thinks shes a crap actress

anyway the nurses would become zombies. who are able to summersault through the air towards rose

Post by **Silent Fantasy** » 15 May 2007

uwe boll has to be the lousiest directer ther is. i cant stand to watch any movie of his that comes out.and most are based on some damn good games.i guess he cant find someone that can make up something for themselves.

Post by **Whoomp** » 15 May 2007

ravern wrote:
28/m/nazareth wrote:Tara Reid would replace Radha as Rose.
don't think she would

he thinks shes a crap actress

Well she is.

Post by **jdnation** » 15 May 2007

He would use a lot of bullet time matrix shots during action sequences... and there'd be lots of dogs chasing the female lead... and there'd be badass techno-rock music... And female characters would lose mroe and mroe of their clothing overtime towards the end of the movie... and it would end with one big impressive explosion set off in the Church...

Post by **oddworth** » 18 May 2007

Daliah, would have bonde hair, would be in her twenties, and would be wearing a tattered grey tube top and tattered mini-skirt.

Post by **Loveless_Dogg** » 18 May 2007

Phead would be played by Meatloaf.......

Post by **Silent Fantasy** » 18 May 2007

Sullivan, Walter wrote:Phead would be played by Meatloaf.......

meatloaf?

no,more like some badass pretty boy with a triangle helmet. it dousnt seem to differant from gans,but think about bolls outfitting.

Post by **oddworth** » 20 May 2007

If Uwe directed SH, pryamid head would have 2 great swords and would throw whem at rose and cybil while doing a matrix wall run and flip.

Post by **ravern** » 21 May 2007

can i ask. who hear actualy has watched his movies?

and who havn't? am prity sure most aint seen one of his films and are just going off what people hve said about his movies

F · Post by F » 21 May 2007

Can someone tell me what this motherfucker has ever done? I mean, I hear his name and avoid everything associated to him, as it suck my ass it smells as I'm told, but can somebody give examples? And what does he do in his movies?

Furthermore, you're devoting too much time to him. If this was a David Lynch thread then it wouldn't be such a waste of web space. And yeah, I'm lazy to read the other pages.

Post by **Krysta** » 21 May 2007

Man F to give you fulltime answer onto your questions you simply would have to see it for yourself. All the ruckus about him is not that he produces craps, cuz there are swarms of directors who do that, the main thing about Bolls movies is that these are uniqe craps among the craps, if you know what I'm sayin. A crap genious or some-shit

And yea I've watched all of his movies just to come up with that conclusion. Cause in fact some of them weren't bad indeed but always something didn't 'ding' either in action flow or idiotic sequences which were spoiling the whole thing somehow. Thats his gift to fook things up like no one would

Post by **Justicar333** » 25 May 2007

I've seen one of his movies, BloodRayne. Now I like bad movies in general, and am a total vampire movie nut be it good or bad. Still, sitting down to watch that movie killed a part of my very soul. Rent it sometime and you will see what were talking about F. And rent something else to go with it, so your evening isn't completly wasted.

Post by **kisho** » 29 May 2007

F, Here's some examples from House of the Dead.

The game involved a mansion with scientific research going on, portal to hell, all that doom stuff, the chars go in to shut it down. The movie involved a bunch of hot teens going to a rave on the Isla De Muerta (spooky.) This guy pukes on this hot chick's boobs, and there's girls dancing like strippers everywhere. Then there's some zombies who're either running around doing ninja flips and shit, or just standing there while the main chars, who happen to have a crate full of military grade firearms start shooting everything matrix style. Basically an 8 minute bullet-time scene with random kungfu from the only asian girl (who has to be wearing an american flag, of course) Occassionally there's a 1 second clip from the game where a totally different scene matches up with what's showing on screen, cause the guy's holding the gun at a certain angle (in essence admitting that there's no way anyone would ever find Any similarity between the game and movie, so he had to explain the 3 similar scenes) That's followed immediately by a 3 minute sensory-overload where he flashes a ridiculous amount of screencaps from the preceeding 8 minutes in like it's new action, at about 6 frames a second, just in case you'd forgotten what was going on. The survivors run to this evil looking house (hence the name of the movie) and there's this spanish "necromancer" who tries to have a story, but it's too idiotic and shallow to recall (Something about being a slave, and thinking it sucked, and turning undead to get back at his slavers, which involves the island, or something like that.) Random swordfight and the house explodes, or, at least, I think it does, it's kindof in the background around the lead actresses bouncing slowmo running breasts. Happy yay.

And his movies go downhill from there.

Post by **LaraeGunn** » 30 May 2007

I went to that movie out of boredom waiting for a friend to get off work.
Never played the shit games, didn't know who the fuck Uwe Boll was.
I was in for a terrible surprise...

There was a pack of techno-rave nerds right behind me in the theatre, saying such gems as:

"DUDE, remember that scene in the game? FUCKIN' BOSS, DARYL!"

"Oh god I would SO bang that chick with the tits, dude. FREAKSTYLE, WAAANG!"

Not to categorize people, but DAMN.
Does that give you a decent idea of the mentality level going on with this "film?"

I had to share. I despise that terrible man, and his fans as well.

Post by **Silent Fantasy** » 30 May 2007

robbie-kun wrote:I went to that movie out of boredom waiting for a friend to get off work.
Never played the shit games, didn't know who the fuck Uwe Boll was.
I was in for a terrible surprise...

There was a pack of techno-rave nerds right behind me in the theatre, saying such gems as:

"DUDE, remember that scene in the game? FUCKIN' BOSS, DARYL!"

"Oh god I would SO bang that chick with the tits, dude. FREAKSTYLE, WAAANG!"

Not to categorize people, but DAMN.
Does that give you a decent idea of the mentality level going on with this "film?"

I had to share. I despise that terrible man, and his fans as well.

i agrre with you 100%. youd have to be a fuckin retard with the mentality of a 3 year old to enjoy his shit for movies.i cant stand the thought of him actually thinkin hes a great directer of some sorts.i still cant beleive game companys are allowing him to adapt there work.thats crazy!