What Would Uwe Boll Do?
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Uwe Boll would star James with Ben Aflfeck and Maria with Jessica Simpson, and each time that they had awkward unexplainable sex the reality between worlds would shift. This would occur by a lot of flashy rave lights going on and off at the same time as they would be attacked by the nurses, which in this case have been replaced with young and vicious cheerleaders. But James always keeps a spare rocket launcher in his back pocket and Maria takes out her whip which she used as a belt as she starts the story by being a fetish stripper.
After this vicious attacks Pyramid Head would show up, since Uwe Boll ran out of money he thought it would be clever to turn Pyramid head into "The Bucket head". This is because Uwe spent all the money staring Pamela Anderson as the Pyramid head, which by the way is the whole twist of the movie.
At the end Bucket head takes his (her) bucket of his (her) head and reveals his (her) true identity, Pamela Anderson. Which for no reason at all decides to "vanish" as there is no longer use for the bucket head since James has finally realized hat she represents James' fear for girls with buckets on their heads. The "vanishing" of the bucket head occurs with an exotic dance and Ben Affleck end up stabbing out his eyeballs because he can no longer take the incompetence of the movie. But Uwe thought that it would be clever to take that with as the ending of the movie.
After this vicious attacks Pyramid Head would show up, since Uwe Boll ran out of money he thought it would be clever to turn Pyramid head into "The Bucket head". This is because Uwe spent all the money staring Pamela Anderson as the Pyramid head, which by the way is the whole twist of the movie.
At the end Bucket head takes his (her) bucket of his (her) head and reveals his (her) true identity, Pamela Anderson. Which for no reason at all decides to "vanish" as there is no longer use for the bucket head since James has finally realized hat she represents James' fear for girls with buckets on their heads. The "vanishing" of the bucket head occurs with an exotic dance and Ben Affleck end up stabbing out his eyeballs because he can no longer take the incompetence of the movie. But Uwe thought that it would be clever to take that with as the ending of the movie.
- JKristine35
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You were the lucky ones to not know who he is, as he is a disgrace to the world. Have you been to the petition site? Here's the link:Ugh. I didn't know who that guy was so I googled his name. I do not like what I saw.
http://www.petitiononline.com/RRH53888/petition.html
It's to get rid of Mr. toilet boll out of the movie industry.
"It doesn't matter if you're smart, dumb, ugly, pretty...IT'S ALL THE SAME ONCE YOU'RE DEAD!"--Eddie Dombrowski
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words to live by
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words to live by
Sadly I'd probably watch that.overachiever547 wrote:Kristanna Loken would play old Alessa, magically healed of all burns and instead sporting a red, almost completely burnt-off bikini and moaning suspiciously. As she tears up the cultists with her barbed wires and the rock music kicks in, Rose screams "Noooooo" as she strips, I mean ahem tears at her clothes in agony at the gruesome sight. Christabella pulls out a big ass rocket launcher and delivers a slow motion backflip as a barbed wire narrowly misses her, then proceeds to blow the bitch to hell as she screams cornily "I am killing you bitch now! Arghh..." (note the badly written dialogue)
- dagoth_jeff
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LMFAO!
Uwe Boll?!? Man, I thought you were serious. I'm relieved to see that you're not.
Kristianne Loken (sp?) would be Cybil, and she'd be wearing a burgundy pleather bra. Weapon of choice: nunchucks and throwing stars.
And she would have backflip-kicked Dahlia about 50 times in a row.
How does this guy make any money?
Uwe Boll?!? Man, I thought you were serious. I'm relieved to see that you're not.
Kristianne Loken (sp?) would be Cybil, and she'd be wearing a burgundy pleather bra. Weapon of choice: nunchucks and throwing stars.
And she would have backflip-kicked Dahlia about 50 times in a row.
How does this guy make any money?
Silent Hill is the only game that has ever scared the living crap out of me.
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I remember when I first heard that there was going to be a SH movie, I seriously thought "please don't let it be that 'House of the Dead' guy that makes it!" Honestly though, reading through this thread reminded me that we SH fans don't really have it that bad afterall.
It would be funny if many, many years from now one of his movies became the next "Plan 9 from Outer Space".
It would be funny if many, many years from now one of his movies became the next "Plan 9 from Outer Space".
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That sounds more like the MGS rumor, where Kojima himself said that he would never work with Boll.JRamirez35 wrote:Didn't Uwe try to claim he had been given the rights to the movie back before it came out, and Konami released a statement saying it was someone else? Or is this just a rumor?
Oh man, the idea of Uwe Boll working on Silent Hill is just terrifying. Lots and lots of slo-mo, car chases, and nekid teens. But since I've heard that they were thinking about making Silent Hill 2 using younger actors/actresses, its just as bad.
lol, quite an amusing topic.
However, I think it's fueled by people who have only seen House of the Dead and/or Bloodrayne. Uwe is actually rather good with horror.
He'd have ballsed up the dialogue and emotion, but the scary stuff would be all there, in fact, it'd probably have been scarier than the movie we got, but not as good a film. If SEED is anything to go by, it'd have been an unforgiving, relentlessly disturbing film, and Tunnel Rats proves he can create an amazing, intense atmosphere. I don't think he'd have captured Silent Hill's heart and magic, though.
I think Uwe may have done a better job of Pyramid Head. Max Seed reminded me heavily of him, and I had a similar sense of dread when he entered a room, considering some of the torturous things he did, particularly in the hammer scene. I can imagine him having Pyramid Head do something far, far more painful and upsetting than tearing Anna's skin off.
But... Yeah, the dialogue and heart of the story would have all been ruined, even if he got somebody else to write the script I don't think he could have directed the right kind of emotions in the characters, it'd come out very cold and sterile, which is fine but, not for Silent Hill, in my opinion. He'd have probably gone for a more simplified story, ripped straight from the game (the cult burning Alessa to steal her power and give birth to a god etc.) rather than the more interesting one the movie got with witch-burning and such.
However, I think it's fueled by people who have only seen House of the Dead and/or Bloodrayne. Uwe is actually rather good with horror.
He'd have ballsed up the dialogue and emotion, but the scary stuff would be all there, in fact, it'd probably have been scarier than the movie we got, but not as good a film. If SEED is anything to go by, it'd have been an unforgiving, relentlessly disturbing film, and Tunnel Rats proves he can create an amazing, intense atmosphere. I don't think he'd have captured Silent Hill's heart and magic, though.
I think Uwe may have done a better job of Pyramid Head. Max Seed reminded me heavily of him, and I had a similar sense of dread when he entered a room, considering some of the torturous things he did, particularly in the hammer scene. I can imagine him having Pyramid Head do something far, far more painful and upsetting than tearing Anna's skin off.
But... Yeah, the dialogue and heart of the story would have all been ruined, even if he got somebody else to write the script I don't think he could have directed the right kind of emotions in the characters, it'd come out very cold and sterile, which is fine but, not for Silent Hill, in my opinion. He'd have probably gone for a more simplified story, ripped straight from the game (the cult burning Alessa to steal her power and give birth to a god etc.) rather than the more interesting one the movie got with witch-burning and such.
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Silent Hill gets nuked at the end.
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Spetsnaz sil Vnutrenniye Voiska Ministerstva Vnutrennikh Del
http://egan.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/05/20/california-will-survive-its-crackup/?ref=opinion
Think of Italy — which reminds me of California in so many ways — and its chronic inability to form a government. That’s California, with even better food and no parliamentary system.
....somewhere in Italy a contract was put out on the life of the article's author.
Spetsnaz sil Vnutrenniye Voiska Ministerstva Vnutrennikh Del
http://egan.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/05/20/california-will-survive-its-crackup/?ref=opinion
Think of Italy — which reminds me of California in so many ways — and its chronic inability to form a government. That’s California, with even better food and no parliamentary system.
....somewhere in Italy a contract was put out on the life of the article's author.
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Give him a break. Yes his movies may suck , but he's not mental, he has his head screwed on and knows what he's doing, watch this interview for some incite http://www.loadingreadyrun.com/videos/v ... h_Uwe_Boll . It's a long interview but it's a good watch. People familer with theescapistmagazine will recognise that the interviewer is Graham Stark of Unskippable